Trust is a defined as something commited or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the intrest of another. In this case the "something" in that definition is my heart. There have been many times that I have place my heart in the care of another and it was returned in an even worse condition that it was in the first place. Would you say that it was my fault or the fault of the caregiver? Well I wish I knew the answer to that one.
I was only 16 when I had my heart broken for the first time. My mother always tried to protect my sister and I from such heartache until we were old enough and could handle it. This was one she couldn't prepare me for nor protect me from because I was soo in love and couldn't no one take that away from me. Love is a drug that is very addicting and once you have it you just don't want to let it go. But yes, after it was all said and done and I had to let him go I knew I would never love again. I loved that guy since I first layed eyes on him in the 8th grade. After 10th grade it just couldn't go on and we both parted ways and now live in different parts of the US. The second time you would think "I got it now" humm it doesn't work like that. This was I believe 11th- beginning freshman year in college.. He was just like me. Literally we knew everything about eachother, our moms grew up together, my whole entire family knew him and loved him but things aren't always what they seem. We just couldn't get it right. It was issues of sex, school, church, and trust. I'll tell you real quick, sex is the least of my problems because i refuse to give it up before I get married. I made a vow and I can't take it back. However, If you don't believe in God and you don't have a plan for you life then there's no need to continue to make something out of nothing. That was my best friend before anything though and the thought of us not being able to be friends anymore really hurt. But sometimes you just have to let go and let God. Since then i've had friends but nothing too serious. They were all quite hillarious to be honest.
Now I am knocking on 21 in a few days and I still haven't found that one. There are a few potentials but I just don't think that lending my heart out would do me any good. It is a thing of fear. How do you get over that fear. It makes it so hard on the guy and also myself because I don't want to let a potentially great guy go and I don't want to keep the worng one. It is such a dillema that not only I face today. Many girls solve it by just being on a strickly sex based relationship and others just switch sides. Being that neither one of those options are of any interest I will just pray. God will surely give me guidance.
Much love,
MzzRandom
- Patience
- I am a very outgoing person. I love to keep a smile on my face as well as on others. I say whats's on my mind when it's neccessary because I feel the truth shall set you free! Try it!
I read this from top to bottom. Almost catching a tear run down my face. This is the type of feeling I was easier to cope with. It amazing and influential how strong you are. I think it's great. :-) One day sooner or later. . .you will make a young man happy.
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