Saturday, October 16, 2010

I Remember the Time

I remember the times when it was just you and I

You were the guy that I loved to stand beside

While those girls walked past and rolled their eyes

Because they knew it was just you and I.

I remember the times when you would text just to say Hey

It would light up my day sending me into a whirlwind of emotions

As if I had drank a love potion,

I remember the times when we would watch movies together

Or I watched movies and movies watched you

But that didn’t matter because

I remember the times when you would hold me

As if you didn’t want to let go see you

Were the epitome of my fantasy

The backbone to my internal elation

Now if only I can introduce you to daddy.

And then it happened

I remember the time when there was no more you and I

Either you forgot to call or forgot to stop by

I remember the time when my smile turned upside down

And I thought I would drown in my heartache and pain

I remember the time when it was her instead of me

And I forgot how to breathe

Afraid to face you because

I knew I could not love you

I knew you would not hold me the way you used to

I knew there would be no more memories

And I would not remember the once you and Me.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Time is the coin of your life. It's the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -Carl Sandburg

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Sleepless Night

It is approximately 2:40a.m. and I have no idea why I am awake. I wish I had something to say but I am not sure that I don't. I am being swallowed by these walls which were once my companion. I am being taken advantage of by the light which used to be my guide. I am being suffocated by the covers which used to be my comfort. I have no way out but to dream. Escaping into my realm of unconsciousness I am protected by my fantasies. I am protected from the real and the life. Never searching for the answer of whose wrong or whose right. Never worrying about pleasing you let alone me. My mind is at ease and my heart is at peace, no longer feeling the wind blow through the gaping hole which made reality feel so true. Only to be awaken again and again. Forgetting the places I have been but remembering this one so clearly. I must make the best of it until I embrace you again. Sincerely, Sleepless.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Common Cold

(Being that I was sick this week I felt it was only right to post this Poem! Enjoy!!)

It is as if she had caught the common cold.

Her head was throbbing as it raced with the unconscious thoughts of the mind

Nose stuffed with the false images and perception that she sees in herself as she walks pass a covered mirror denying who she really is.

Throat sore from the lies being told on a day to day basis trying to hide from the truth behind silver and gold

Eyes burning turned a blood shot red from the many tears that were being held in and not being shed

Her body weakens- as she realize that she can’t use her mom home remedies like lemon and tea to hide from the truth hidden deep inside the body like cavities.

Deteriorating with each day the lies becomes plaque on the coronary arteries as it attacks the heart.

Down she goes Body convulsing, palms sweating, heavy breathing, eyes rolling, raised heart beat.


Done, dead, deceased, departed from the world, as the automated defibrillations of truth surges through her body.

Clear! Shock one release as she spit up all the lies she embodied inside soothing the inconsistencies of the mind which caused pain and suffering.

Clear! Shock two released as she becomes free from the heart ache and pain that had begun to drive her insane.

Clear! Shock three. She’s Alive! Realizing who she really is and that nothing in life is free and not even that has a guaranteed.

Much Love,

Monday, July 12, 2010

Business Casual

Business Casual is an attire that is worn to magnify your professional appearance in a comfortable way. I will turn 21 in the next couple of weeks and I feel as though I need to magnify my professionalism. I am a currently a Senior in College and what better way to market yourself than to be professional. I dress like I am still in middle school sometimes and that is not a good way to market yourself in anyway if that's not your age. I think It is about time I step up and prepare myself for the business world. Just wait and see. I am excited for this transition from college to the "real world" and I want to look the part. I'll keep you updated on the latest purchases for the new wardrobe!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

To Trust or Not to Trust

Trust is a defined as something commited or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the intrest of another. In this case the "something" in that definition is my heart. There have been many times that I have place my heart in the care of another and it was returned in an even worse condition that it was in the first place. Would you say that it was my fault or the fault of the caregiver? Well I wish I knew the answer to that one.
I was only 16 when I had my heart broken for the first time. My mother always tried to protect my sister and I from such heartache until we were old enough and could handle it. This was one she couldn't prepare me for nor protect me from because I was soo in love and couldn't no one take that away from me. Love is a drug that is very addicting and once you have it you just don't want to let it go. But yes, after it was all said and done and I had to let him go I knew I would never love again. I loved that guy since I first layed eyes on him in the 8th grade. After 10th grade it just couldn't go on and we both parted ways and now live in different parts of the US. The second time you would think "I got it now" humm it doesn't work like that. This was I believe 11th- beginning freshman year in college.. He was just like me. Literally we knew everything about eachother, our moms grew up together, my whole entire family knew him and loved him but things aren't always what they seem. We just couldn't get it right. It was issues of sex, school, church, and trust. I'll tell you real quick, sex is the least of my problems because i refuse to give it up before I get married. I made a vow and I can't take it back. However, If you don't believe in God and you don't have a plan for you life then there's no need to continue to make something out of nothing. That was my best friend before anything though and the thought of us not being able to be friends anymore really hurt. But sometimes you just have to let go and let God. Since then i've had friends but nothing too serious. They were all quite hillarious to be honest.
Now I am knocking on 21 in a few days and I still haven't found that one. There are a few potentials but I just don't think that lending my heart out would do me any good. It is a thing of fear. How do you get over that fear. It makes it so hard on the guy and also myself because I don't want to let a potentially great guy go and I don't want to keep the worng one. It is such a dillema that not only I face today. Many girls solve it by just being on a strickly sex based relationship and others just switch sides. Being that neither one of those options are of any interest I will just pray. God will surely give me guidance.

Much love,

Sunday, June 20, 2010

At War With Myself

My flesh and my soul are at war with
each other, because of the misconceived notion
of life that was fed into me at birth. The world
is my mother as she fed me the fruit from the
tree of good and evil.

With these streets wrapped around me for
protection, she rocked me to sleep with the
lyrics of Lil' Wayne, Puff Daddy and Jay-Z.
Nurturing me to be just the way he wanted:

The man that was presumed to be my father
wouldn't bother to show his face, even when I
gave him what he wanted. But he taunted me
with everything from sex to lies and falling into
his trap I only had to look in the mirror to realize
his true identity.

As I search for my Holy Father;
I will salute to the bible and kick off my heels,
get ready for combat. As I walk across this desert
of death and salvation, leaving my footprints in the sand:
Praying that there will be another set along side
mine to keep me up in these trying times when hate
tries to attack me and when pain knocks me to my knees.

Father help me please, for my soul is crying out
for you but my flesh won't allow these tears to
be shed but this river continues to flow within.
But my sin is greater: putting rap above you,
sex above you, drugs above you.

All because of the misconception of happiness that
was fed into me with the first taste of the bitter seed,
now this bitter seed wants Christ, and is willing to sacrifice
all just for you.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
for if I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take.